yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
