STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
