God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
