Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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