don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
