tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
