I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
