Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
