I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
