I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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