goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
