Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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