How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
