What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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