i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
