yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
