will power is for people who don't want to get laid
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
