Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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