Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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