I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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