New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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