I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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