i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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