just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
