Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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