so let's talk penis.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
