Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
