I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
