you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
