Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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