I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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