Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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