My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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