I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
