STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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