Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Randomize
