we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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