Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
