Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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