she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
