Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
