dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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