I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
