$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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