Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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