Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
