My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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