my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
