I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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