do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
