me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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