While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
