You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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