the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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