In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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