God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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