Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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