I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
