He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
