Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
