Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone shattered a urinal.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
