Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
