apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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