i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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