1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Pooping to opera.
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