How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
