how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
