Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
