I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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