If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
