TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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