If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
