we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
