Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
