There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
