Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
