that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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