I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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