Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
