Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
