Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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