bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
