You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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