We won't sleep together?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There r osticjed everywhere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
