I need help removing her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
